Monday, 12 July 2010


Like you, I have done some things that come back to haunt me in the rare moments my brain chatter pauses for breath. In South Africa the truth and reconciliation commission have shown us that coming clean can help all parties move on by providing a clean slate. To be clear, I haven't beaten, killed or oppressed anyone but nevertheless I'm not proud of some of the things I've done. To be doubly clear, nor am I ashamed either and I care not a jot for your opinion of my behaviour. I know I've been an idiot. As Doug Stanhope said 'I don't need your good opinion or any new friends, so fuck you'.

I have no faith, religious, spiritual or other - although I did record my religion as Jedi on the 2001 national census. Nevertheless I am intrigued by the religious notion of forgiveness, which seems to work along the lines of 'whatever you did, come clean and we'll say no more about it'. As someone who would doubtless be considered a sinner by those that like to judge, this sounds like a pretty sweet deal but there doesn't appear to be any sense of scale. What's that? you had an impure thought? Say three Hail Marys and keep your hands above the sheets. What's that? You bummed an altar boy? Twice a week for six years? Say four Hail Marys and go and work in another parish. It's the ultimate get out of jail free card. The glory of life everafter on the right hand of your chosen deity can be yours if you say sorry and really really mean it.

So, all things considered, seeking forgiveness is not for me and instead I will display my moments of pain, embarrassment and hubris for your entertainment. Perhaps you will learn from my mistakes or just get a laugh at my expense. Whatever, fill your boots.